Teaching children how to calm themselves may be one of the most important tools they need to know. Show them by example how you calm yourself. When you’re upset, announce that you’re going to your happy place. Try not to respond immediately by yelling. Yelling does not teach them how to react peacefully. When they are upset, show them love and empathy. Show them that not everything that happens is an emergency.
When you think of your choices on how to react, think outloud. You could state your options, the consequences of each of the actions and how others will feel afterwards. Mention your feelings about the other person’s point of view. Finally, let them hear your final decision and follow through.
The more you practice this outloud, the more they see that it’s a process which does not need an immediate response. They learn coping skills instead of fighting skills.
The next step is the fun part. Observe your child to see if their coping skills mature.
Just think, Simply telling them to calm down, shut up or sit down is not going to work. When was the last time these phrases worked on you?