January Tranquil Divorce Classes Announced

The Tranquil Divorce January Class Schedule
Sunday, January 10th at 209 N. Main Adrian MI 49221
$20 per class or $75 for all 4 classes.

  • Class 1 – Parenting Plans – 9 to 10 am
  • Class 2 – Parental Alienation – 10 to 11 am
  • Class 3 – Helping Kids Cope – 11 to 12 pm
  • Class 4 – Moving Forward -12 to 1 pm
Preregistration is required.
Fees of $20 for each class is refundable up until the beginning of each class.
Cash only or prepay online through credit card via paypal.com email Sonja@tranquilparenting
Both parents may come together or choose to attend separately.
Certificate of completion is available.

Schedule Enough Cell Time

Cell phone parenting has replaced couch potatoes, newspaper readers, sports fanatics, tv addictions and other brain gym hobbies. Why does everyone pick on this choice compared to others, since everyone needs to take a break sometimes?

They say it is the amount of time that is the difference. The convenience of putting your cell in your hand on a continual basis compared to your TV or a newspaper is the difference.

Maybe you could make choice to put the phone on the charger and ignore it. Turn the ringer off. Make sure the kids join you in this. Set yourself up for an hour a day or 30 minutes twice a day.

"GO TO BED NOW!!!!!"

Are you sick of yelling at your kiddos to go to bed? Do they try to stall, “I’m hungry”, “I’m thirsty” or my all time favorite reason, “I’m not tired”?

Well here’s an idea. Stop yelling and go to bed. Make your bed time a certain time. Let them stay up. Just hope they stay up very late, so they are really tired in the morning. Make them go to school, do their chores and homework. I bet they’ll be tired then. They’ll learn really quick that the morning will come quickly and best of all, you’ll be wide awake.

Don’t allow them to get up late and please don’t call in to school for them. I wouldn’t begin letting them think sleeping in is an acceptable thing for school. I promise it’s not acceptable for work.

Children Learn "How To" by Watching You

As I sit here watching my child draw with me, I have even more proof that she will mock me as she gets older.

It reminds me that when she does something that I don’t like, I need to look at myself to see if she is simply copying my actions.

For example, I asked her to text me once she gets home for safety. Then I talked to her weekly about why she wasn’t doing what I asked. I threatened to take the phone away and asked, “then what?” Well then she could never text me and I wouldn’t know if she were safe. Next idea was to make her do more chores because she drained all of my energy and I couldn’t do them. I figured that wouldn’t work because it wasn’t relevant.

After weeks of this conversation, I realized she’s not being disrespectful. She is simply following my lead. I never text her that I’m leaving work. She has no understanding of why it matters, when she is safe at home. I was trying to use consequences without empathy and love. I was expecting her to do something that I was not doing myself.

Reward vs. Responsibility

Are you teaching your child to be good for a reward or are you teaching them to make good choices because they understand it’s the right thing to do? Be careful using rewards as children will not know the difference between acting well just so they get the bribery gift and how empathy, consequences and love works. Paying children to do chores or get good grades is not teaching them that contributing to the family or taking responsibility of their tasks is a requirement. It’s seen as a trade off or a choice. 

Think about learning lessons before immediate results. 

Reward vs. Caring

And the debate goes on…
Should children receive rewards for being good? Children will always be good for a bribe big enough.

For centuries upon centuries we have taught kids to be good or you’ll go to hell or be nice or Santa will give you coal instead of toys. I’m sure allowance will come to those that do chores. On the other hand toys are removed if your child acts out. Finally, we wonder why our children are so materialistic.

We have taught them that items are of important enough to remove or receive depending on their actions.

What if they are taught that family participation, being good and minimal expectations are required?

Just as I have a weekly allowance needed for survival, so do my children. Their job is chores and homework. The family and school participation has nothing to do with their need to survive with money or their need to know him to manage money. These are both needs. Children also need to learn how to work in finances, not how to purchase.

They also deserve to learn how to make good choices because they care, not because they want something under the tree, don’t want toys to be removed and want cash.

The tools of rewards do not foster relationships, caring or empathy. It teavhes us to just to keep your hands clean and don’t get caught doing ugly things. Even better, it teaches them to get sneaky and hide things from us.


The Talk About "Death"

When is it okay to talk about death?

My experience with the conversation of death came very young. We talked about death of bugs, then grew to animals and moved to people.

We experienced the death of people conversation when my oldest was 2 1/2. Her father passed from cancer. Prior to his passing, we knew separation was going to be tough. I worked while he cared for her at home up until this point.

Things were odd as we began a divorce prior to knowing about his death sentence,  then the company I worked for closed it’s doors. At this time, I was a single stay at home mom. We shared 50/50 custody at first. Once we found out the cancer was terminal, we decided to seek counceling. Our counselor suggested working through our school district to find additional help for our daughter. Luckily, they had support who visited our home 2 to 3 times a week to help as she laid on the floor screaming for her dad. He and I chose to do a weaning process, since he didn’t want us to see him so sick. He said he wanted her to think of him as superman and not to fear him as a dieing cancer patient.

The separation was real. At this point 50/50 moved to every other weekend due to his illness. He wanted to see her one last time for Christmas, but called and cancelled. He wasnt sure he could do it knowing it would be his last time. It was so emotional. By the time he passed, she had enough information to know that he will always be with her.

Before he passed, he wrote a letter to her that was sweet and expressed his love. She cherishes this letter.

By explaining death to her in a calm manner, over time with more details with each new conversation, I believe she was able to accept his passing with more understanding than if we didn’t use counceling.

Of course she asks about him, but she does not fear him or cry for his death. Even at 2 1/2, she understood.

Since then, my daughter’ grandma on both sides and others have given her practice with the idea of death. Although this was very tough on him, I respect that he took “the benefit of our child into consideration”. A very strong decision to keep her safe from tears and confussion.

I think it’s okay once the opportunity presents itsel