Hi Parents, This video explains the very beginning of your tranquil journey. Enjoy. Looking forward to speaking with you soon.
Everyone knows the legal system uses certain terms such as Visitations, Defendant/Plaintiff, Ex-Spouse, Court Order, Divorce, Court, Friend of the Court, Custody, Temporary Order, Child Support and other words that have a negative indication that someone is wrong and someone is right totally ignoring that parents are parents that have feelings and especially the fact that children have emotions that are a mess during this time of change.
If you want to change how your child is affected, I suggest you do not use these harsh terms with your children and definitely not with your husband or wife. Let your attorney and judge use these terms as it’s their vocabulary they need to use for their legal termed work environment.
In homes we don’t walk around on a regular basis saying that the child is the defendant when the plaintiff mom accuses little Tommy of not taking out the garbage. When Mom comes home from work and Dad leaves to go to work and they switch hands, it’s not called “visitation”. This is simply a change of hands due to the families scheduled plan allowing time for each other to take responsibility and cover for each other and take care of the kids needs.
If we are looking to change the way everyone sees divorce, we need to change the words we use in order to change everyone’s thinking.
If we are wanting children to not be alienated then we need to stop the word “win” from being used.
Divorce is not and never has been a “win” or “lose” situation, so why do we need to continue to say these words, especially when no one is ever happy with the outcomes.
Below are some words that we could change in order to think differently and put our families’ lives in perspective.
- Visitations=Parenting Time
- Ex-Spouse=Kids Mom/Dad or use their name (there’s an idea)
- Court Order=Parenting Plan
- Divorce=Separation Agreement
- Court=Place where we filed our agreement
- Friend of the Court=Place where we discuss and mediate over separation agreement
- Custody=Current Arrangement for Parenting Time or Time with Parent
- Temporary Order= Temporary Arrangement
- Child Support=Money for the kids (that would have normally gone towards the kids anyway)
Prior to divorce all parents have arrangements, agreements, schedules etc. Why change everything to be a foreign language just because you are asking the legal system to help you make decisions that both parents cannot make on their own.
I’ve heard it said that children are resilient. Yes, they are while they are resolving transitions already in their minds, please don’t make them try to do this with words they aren’t even familiar with and respect each other enough to not use these terms with each other as you create your new schedules and agreements.
More content on it’s way! I remember the days of writing blogs and creating videos… I’m going back to it! I loved doing it.
In order to be able to create these materials and work with parents, I am making my schedule more structured. Tranquil Studio’s office hours will be Saturdays from 8 am to 5 pm.
Being available at all hours is not beneficial to the program or my health. It is only helping the parents that I am working with at the time when I am being flexible.
Flexible for any hour, any day, any cancellations, any texts at any hour, any phone calls… This is all going to drive me crazier than I already am. 🙂
Look forward to more content from the studio and less silence while I run around at all hours of the days.
Although I have not found any different studies, I am not certain the below information is fact for everyone. I believe anyone can be enlightened with opportunities to experience a change of heart when it comes to alienation. I do not believe any one can force this change, but I believe the alienation can change themselves.
The average person is utterly perplexed how to react to such behavior of an Alienating Parent. They quickly run out of techniques that would normally work with a rational person especially because so little is known about Parent Alienation, Target Parents often do not even know that there is a name for their child’s increasingly hostile behavior called Parental Alienation Syndrome. Without a proper understanding of Parent Alienation, it is easy to take sides and even provide evidence that the truly abusive person is a wonderful parent.
Alienating parents have a really good presence in their child’s life. They may say things such as, “Too bad the other parent isn’t involved” when in fact they are playing keep away. Their life is devoted to being a shield and what is also called a “Helicopter Parent”.
Therapy and the Alternator
What about therapy? Surely a therapist can fix them! Individuals who will brainwash a child are the worst candidates for therapy, because therapy implies that a person realizes that there is something wrong with them and that they are motivated to do something about it. These people are not able to self-correct behavioral or emotional errors. The wiring of their brain will not permit it. Therapy doesn’t work because one can’t have a conversation about the problem when the problem is doing the answering! As soon as a Therapist suggests that they behave better or that what they are doing is harming their child, splitting occurs. The Therapist then becomes the bad guy and the Parent Alienator leaves, taking the child with them. These people do not form trusting relationships with others unless they believe that they are getting their way. Therapy can, in fact, make these troubled individuals worse. Since they do not feel moral emotions of pity, empathy, sympathy, or compassion, the therapist may unwittingly teach compassionate gestures and language that their client can use to more effectively to manipulate people. They are most likely to end up being a warm body sitting in a chair for the required number of times; they may even be patronizing about how the Alienating Parent is saving their life.
However, the result is that they are unfazed by the efforts to make them healthier. Despite what they say, they are unable to act in the best interests of their child. It takes a truly disturbed and obsessed person to harm a child by brainwashing them, to remove from a child’s life a loving Parent and their extended family and friends who care deeply about the child. The programming of a child is done for personal gain. These are not people with good Parenting skills. Children are in their lives to serve them and to help them get their way.
They are not nurturing and attentive to their child’s needs, nor do they know how to nurture their child emotionally. A child is not allowed to grieve for the loss of the target Parent, extended family, and friends; they are kept busy taking care of the disturbed Parent. Despite admonitions from judges and mental health professionals to stop alienating, they cannot. One of the most difficult ideas for the target Parent to understand is that the mentally disturbed Parent is unable to act differently; nor can a child experiencing Parent Alienation act differently. The obsessed Parent and child are likely to be experiencing a shared psychosis.
There is no protocol to fix the alienating Parent —not legally, not therapeutically, and certainly not by reasoning with them. It is also unlikely that they will ever stop trying to perpetuate the alienation, because it has become a gut- wrenching survival issue to them! This is where resilience training is needed for the other family members.
The public is invited to join Tranquil Studio, Inc. onfrom during their New Location Open House to learn how Social Artworking Painting Parties by DECOART® fundraising events can help prevent the cruelty of children in our community. Have you enjoyed yourself at painting parties? Why not have fun for a purpose?
10 lucky winners…
One free Social Artworking Painting Parties by DECOART® ticket will be handed out per hour during the open house for one lucky winner. That means 10 winners total will be able to enjoy a free seat at a painting party of their choice. No purchase requirements. Tickets expire .
Tranquil Studio, Inc. is a non-profit 501(c)3 organization to prevent cruelty of children in neglect, abuse, divorce and custody dispute via parenting education. 1/3 of the curriculum is sharing trauma-informed expressive arts techniques.
The business model is as a social enterprise offering opportunities for all families to enjoy and grow in the arts while allowing the community to support those who need help during transitions.
According to my findings, currently, 65% of all marriages end in divorce. Just imagine the conflict and pain the children here in our area go through as their families change.
These families learn conflict management, coping techniques, co-parenting skills and how to let go of their resentment whole minimizing harm on their children.